


Warmth °•. treebros

by Saracha05



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Anal Sex, Artist Connor, Bisexual Evan, Connor Deserves Happiness, Eventual Smut, Fingering, Gay Connor, HNNNNN, I Tried, I'm Bad At Tagging, Larry will be an alright dad. eventually, Let connor be happy, M/M, New book, Rimming, Smut, Treebros, Writer Evan, connor's addicted to weed, dear evan hansen - Freeform, eventually, i have no life, i love these boys, jazz hands, lets get on to the story, of course, overcoming drug addition, probably shouldn't be writing this, rant book about family problems
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-05
Updated: 2020-12-18
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:14:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 6,480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25091446
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Saracha05/pseuds/Saracha05
Summary: Caring. Love. Affection. These all have the popular connotation of warmth.Connor hates those words.The only warmth he needs is the smoke from his cigarettes. It's the only warmth he'll ever crave.
Relationships: Evan Hansen/Connor Murphy
Comments: 15
Kudos: 89





	1. Prologue: Alone

_Cold_

_It’s all cold._

_Everything. Freezing._

Connor jolted awake, thick sweat beading down his forehead.

_Zoe must’ve turned up the thermostat again.._ Connor grumbled in his head. He turned his phone on, which glowed a 2:43 AM in his squinting eyes. 

_Fucking hell._

His arms were red and moist with sweat. He felt out of breath from just flipping his blanket over. 

_Too hot. Way to fucking hot_.

His sluggish body stomped out his door and down the hall to the thermostat right by the bathroom, which was between his and Zoe’s rooms. His fingers harshly pressed the lowest button as he watched the numbers go down slowly.

_Just because it’s fucking winter doesn’t mean it has to be a shitty dessert in the house._

Satisfied with the cool air already starting to brush against his naked arms, Connor stomped his way back to his room, still pissed off he woke up in the first place. He usually could never go back to sleep.

And tonight wasn’t any different.

His leg was thrown over the mattress, his body was twisted. His arms were dangled on his headboard and half his blanket was on the floor. 

_Sleep_. 

All he wanted was sleep, but now his phone displayed a bright screen that read 4:19 AM.

Connor, in the complete silence, could feel his muscles twitch slightly. His leg felt like shaking and his tongue was desperate for the feeling of smoke. It always happened when he was awake for too long. It always came back for him, it always was there for him, especially when he couldn’t sleep. It helps coax his mind into rest.

Pot was all his mind could comprehend as he was digging through his closet, trying to find that old shoebox he keeps his bags of weed in. His face lit up when he pulled out a joint, his hands shaky and desperate to feel the smoke flow down his throat. A light was quickly grabbed and the end of the stick was now filling the room with the gross, toxic smell. Connor liked that smell.

Not that he had much of a choice at this point, everything he owned smelled like it. But it had grown quite comforting to him, and helped ease his mind.

His lips puffed out another gust of gray. His mind started to feel droopy and mushed. He felt he could hear colors, not that there were any with it being pitch black other than his phone now playing some random video. Connor couldn’t care what he was watching, he just didn’t want to feel alone.

_Alone. What a funny word. I’m all alone, alone is me. Alone alone alone_.

Soon a heavy metal song made its way on autoplay. Connor couldn’t tell what song it was, but the lyrics sounded familiar.

“Fuck yeah” He sighed as the chants filled the room, the sounds of clapping and cheering echoing off his walls. Or so it sounded like, he didn’t really have an idea how loud it was. He just hoped it would piss Zoe off, like how it pissed him off that she turned up the temperature.

The joint was brought to his lips for yet another time, and soon it was almost gone completely. That made him pout as he looked at the stick before putting it in a red solo cup of water he kept on his nightstand.

His phone talked softly as he laid down completely, his stomach flat on his bed as his chin rested on top of his red pillow.

His arm was reached in front of him as he waited to get sleepy. His eyes kept long glanced to his thin arms, which red lines were scattered across. It hurt seeing those lines. Not because he’s ashamed, but because of the stress behind them. It was easy to deal with it in such ways, seeing as he had no one to vent to but himself. So, instead of opening up to people and hurting them with his problems, he’d hurt himself with them.

_Not that anyone would let me open up to them._

Connor had been cast out what felt like a million times. Since elementary. Kids would pick on him for thinking another boy was cute, or they’d laugh at his drawings. It took awhile for him to gain courage to talk to another person, but when he finally did, they wanted nothing to do with a kid who sat in the corner by themselves.

He never felt _safe_ with kids in his school. He’d always be afraid they’d hit him like his uncle did. He never liked that pain, and he felt like those kids resembled his uncle.

Closed fists, furrowed brows, frowns. They only frowned around Connor, and the only time they laughed was when he fell or made a mistake on the board.

Only when he made mistakes.

_They all must be in hysterics now._ Connor thought bitterly to himself.

He could imagine it, all the kids laughing at him, pushing him around, kicking his sides.

_Just like uncle Tom_. 

He could feel the fear radiating off his body. He could feel the stares as people watched. He could feel the feet digging their way under his ribs.

Connor never got into fights, but he feared them. Once uncle Tom went to jail, he’d never received another punch again. But he was always scared they would. So, he turned it around. He became what they feared. That way he'll never have to feel a fist again. He’ll never have to beg, he’d never have to be pathetic as he lies limp on the ground.

_Never again._

Connor could feel a tear prick the corner of his eyes, but he wiped them away quickly. He was stronger than that. He was strong enough not to cry.

He closed his eyes roughly and tossed the blanket over his shoulders as he nuzzled his head on the pillow. He hated the cold, but what’s the point of warmth? What’s the point of feeling a false sense of comfort when the cold is just fine.

Warmth is for the people who aren't strong. For the people who need people.

Connor didn’t need anyone, he didn’t need their hugs or kisses. He didn’t need their encouraging words that made his heart feel warm and soft. He didn’t need those lazy days to just cuddle with someone and rest. To take a break.

Connor doesn’t need anyone's warmth.

The cold always suits him better. Distant. Alone. Strong.  
...

Connor had a hard time sleeping that night.


	2. Distance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Murphy's morning

“Get up, fucktard!” Zoe yelled with a couple pounds on Connor’s door. Her fists showed no mercy to the wood as it seemed to bend against her hand.

Connor squinted his eyes and he dizzly sat up on his bed, his arms spread out to support his slumping back.

“Damn”

Not feeling in the mood for school, Connor decided to scroll through instagram instead. He mostly used it for band updates, and his favorite band had mentioned going on tour soon. His thumb kept scrolling and scrolling and scrolling. He actually forgot about getting ready, which was a good thing in his eyes.

“Hurry up! I gotta go”

“Just go without me!” groaned out after his sister's annoying voice pierced his ears again. _Can’t she ever shut the fuck up._

“Mom says I have to take you, so hurry your ass up!”

“Fine, just give me a couple minutes!”

“You have five!”

Connor looked back at his phone, decided he was just gonna play some games until Zoe got mad at him and left. But as he pressed the power button and his screen stayed pitch black, he knew that wasn’t an option.

Connor raised his eyebrows and processed everything happening. He ran a hand through his tangled hair and hissed at the slight knot his fingers got caught in.

_Everything’s moving too fast._

He flipped his blankets over again and shuffled his way to his closet. He pulled out the all too familiar black ripped jeans and a new hoodie. It was a dark gray slipknot hoodie that came in the mail the day before. It was probably the only good thing going on in his life at the moment. Other than the pills he kept eyeing in the bathroom cabinet.

Those were a good thing too.

Connor stomped down the stairs, barely able to comprehend the fact he was awake. He barely got any sleep last night, and it showed.

It showed like he was hit with a truck.

Dark bags rested underneath his eyes, which were slightly red. His eyebrows drooped and his lips were puffed out as he slumped against the wall, waiting for his sister to finish her toast.

“Honey, why don’t you brush your hair a little.” Cynthia said as she eyes her son, taking in his appearance.

“Well good fucking morning to you too.”

“Connor, do not talk to your mother like that.”

Connor let out a deep breath as he clenched his hands, trying to calm himself down. He was not ready to argue.

“Come on, let's go.” Zoe said as she slipped her backpack on her shoulders, one earbud in her ear. She slammed her phone in her pants back pocket. She figured her brother was gonna yell, and then her father would, and then they’d be there for a lot longer than needed as her family started fighting all together.

An audible puff was heard from Connor as he slipped on his black combat boots. He didn’t bother tying them. So what if he tripped and fell in front of a moving car? It’d get him out of school at the very least.

“Dude, come on.” Zoe commanded, her voice stern and fed up. “Could you be any slower?”

“Shut it.” Was all he could growl out as he stomped out the door, an angry Zoe following behind him with her keys hanging from her finger.

They both slammed their doors shut. Zoe left an angry sigh as she turned the key in the ignition. The hot air started blowing through the vent, and Connor turned it down. Zoe just sighed again.

“We’re gonna be late.” Zoe groaned as she drove past the last house on their block.

“I can see that.”

“You couldn’t have gotten high after school?”

Connor scowled as he rolled his eyes. “I’m not high.”

“Then why the fuck are you acting so slow. And your eyes are red, Connor. I’m not blind.”

“And I'm not high.”

“Then what are you, huh?”

“Tired” was his short reply as he stared out the window, wishing his phone was charged. Or that his sister could keep her mouth shut.

“I’m tired too but I’m not walking like a limping zombie, am I?”

“Fuck off.”

“Then be fucking normal.”

“I am normal!” His voice raised as his nail digged into his skin. She’s really pissing him off.

“No, Connor, normal people don’t spend every waking minute either threatening to kill their sister or hoarding pot in their room.”

“Shut up! Just shut the fuck up.”

Zoe pursed her lips as she focused on the road. Her hands were held tight against the steering wheel, her knuckles were turning white. She had so many things she wanted to say to her brother. So many things to yell. Her heart was filled with hatred and pique to her brother, and it was quickly spreading to her parents. She could feel the gap between her family. Their distance to each other. And it hurt her. But when she confronts them, she can't help but lash out.

Connor felt the same.

“I have band practice after school, so you’ll have to wait around. Meet me by the stairwell.” Zoe suddenly spoke as she pulled into a parking space outside the school campus.

“Great.”

They made the small walk into the wide brick building. Neither spoke a word. Like usual.

Zoe went to the office to get a tardy slip, her fingers gripping onto her backpack as she fast walked down the halls, not wanting to be any later then she already was.

Connor just went straight into the bathroom. He didn’t want to be next to his sister any longer, but he knew if he went to class the teacher would just make him run to the office just to get a tardy slip and then go back to class where he’d sit through an insufferable first period. He was _tired_ and was not ready for a lecture at 8:AM.

He’d just get a slip next period.

He rushed to the handicap stall at the far end of the white room. He slumped his back against the tiled wall as he took a long breath. The floor was uncomfortable and cold, but at least it didn’t stink at the moment. His eyes closed softly, his mind restful and blank. Not a single thought could register through his mind as he finally felt at peace.

Connor finally fell asleep.


	3. Cold Waters

"Hello? Is someone um, is someone in here?" A small voice echoed through the empty bathroom, bumping against walls and ringing in ears.

Connor squinted his eyes tightly as he shook his head. It bumped against the indents between the tile as he slowly came to his senses.

"God?" ... _Slowly_

"Um, no" The voice mumbled, slight nerves to it's tone. "Just um, just a normal kid."

"Oh" Connor let a sigh leave his lips. "What do you want then?"

"Well um, I-i think I left my uh, my phone. In there. Yesterday. But uh, every period this stall has been um, stalls been locked so I didn't know if- if um"

"Wait what period is it?"

"Fifth"

"Oh shit"

Connor stood up quickly as he grabbed his messenger bag off the now warm ground. He flung the door open to reveal a small guy with a cast looking as tense as possible.

"God damn. I wish you woulda done that sooner. I've missed all my classes"

"Sorry, sorry"

Connor just looked at him weird before opening the stall wider. "Have a look then"

He gave a small, awkward smile before walking in and reaching behind the toilet to see an off-brand phone with a black case.

"Why the hell is it there?"

"Oh um, you must've- might've kicked it in your sleep. Possibly."

"Mmm, I don't kick in my sleep."

"Then um," his face contorted to panic as he let silence fall over the two. "I don't.. know. Maybe someone else did yesterday?"

"I guess" Connor started walking away, his bag strap resting on his shoulder.

"Wait-" The random kid said suddenly. Connor turned around, an eyebrow raised as he took a small step closer. "Aren't you gonna wash your hands?"

 _What. The hell._ "I didn't shit dude, just fell asleep for like.. four hours."

"But- but um, there still like. _Germs_. Everywhere. Especially on the bathroom floor."

"Fine, fine," Connor stepped closer to the sink, rolling up his sleeves on the way over. He turned the faucet on. Cold water rushed out, freezing Connors fingers as it rinsed pink soap off.

"You're welcome" Connor said as he finished, shaking his hands and splashing water over the mirror.

The guy gave a short laugh, which didn't seem genuine, and shrugged his shoulder. "Thanks."

"Whatever germaphobe."

"It's um, it's Evan" his voice got extremely awkward and anced. It sounded like it'd crack any minute.

"Connor" was all he could reply as he struck out his hand to shake.

Evan smiled, looking very releaved. He started to reach his good hand out to shake, but Connor took his away.

"Hang on, you were in the stall too. Shouldn't you, as a wise man once put it, wash your hands. Or uh, hand." He teased, a small laugh bouncing off the walls. Evan gave a smile -an actual genuine smile this time- and reached down to turn on the faucet.

"Dry it." Connor said as if he were talking to a dog.

"You didn't um, dry yours"

"Yes I did. I shook em"

Evan flicked his fingers at Connors face, the small drops resting against Connors nose and cheeks.

"Alright smart ass," Connor mumbled with a smile as Evan snickered. "You better get to class."


	4. Annoyances

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connor gets texts finally^^

Connor didn't think much about Evan after that. In fact, he didn't think of much at all, other then wanting to get to his room and waste his day doing nothing of importance. It's his favorite passtime.

But, alas, he can't because he's waiting for his sister in the stairwell outside of the gym. 

He still felt tired. Like a fuck load of bricks were weighing his eyes down as he leaned against the cement wall.

 _Edibels wouldn't hurt_.

Connor shrugged and reached into his "secret" compartment in his messenger bag and opened a small ziplock pouch.

Chewing on the cannabis enduced gummy, Connor sat down on a step, his head in his hands as he waited for his high.

_This is great_

Alone time. That's all he wants. That's all he gets. He knows nothing else of friends and family. Never needed them.

_That Evan kid.. seems nice. Huge dork though_

And that was the last thing he remembers thinking before his eyes closed and he's laying against the wall.

\---

"Connor, wake up"

Connor opened his red eyes just to roll them at his sisters annoying face.

"Why do people keep waking me up" he mumbled to himself before sitting up and dusting himself off.

"Because you're in a public place. One where you're supposed to be awake."

"Wasn't asking you"

"Then who were you asking? Your shoulder devil?"

"Matter of fact I was"

Zoe rolled her eyes and picked up her bag. "Let's just go"

"Gladly" 

\---

It was silent in the car, just the way Connor liked it. He hated talking, especially to his family.

But that soon ended just like all the other good things in his life.

"Where were you?" Zoe asked. She usually does when Connor skips.

"You don't need to know."

"I'd like to! I don't want you seeing your dealer during school."

"I wasn't buying drugs, Zoe! I never left campus"

"You weren't anywhere! I didn't see you in the halls, I even had to go to a class of yours and you weren't there."

"I fell asleep"

..

"Really" Her face showed sarcasm and her voice was unwavering.

"Yes! I did, I told you this morning I was so fucking tired. Not like you need to know anyway!"

Zoe leaned back in her seat, her fingers still tightly wound around the steering wheel.

"I don't believe you."

"Ask that Evan guy! He fucking woke me up! Now can we just drop it!?"

"Fine." Zoe pursed her lips. It was silent the rest of the way.

Connor hates rides with his sister.

\---

It was now 8:00 and Connor was high off his ass. It was weird, honestly. He never feels so desperate for weed if he's had a decent day, but here his is, fingers itching for more.

Which is why when he got a notification on his phone and it made a ding noise, he started laughing hysterically. He didn't even think he got a text message until he turned his phone on.

"Woah" he laughed again, feeling awefuly wierd. "That's new"

'JazzHands' added ###-#### to chat

'JazzHands' added 'DontAsk' to chat

'JazzHands' renamed this chat to 'The truth'

###-####:

Why am I here?

JazzHands:

cause i need to know the truth.

DontAsk:

what the fu k

###-####:

Of what?

JazzHands:

evan did you see my brother today? when?

DontAsk:

evan?

###-####:

Yes, around fifth period in the bathroom. Why?

Change '###-####' to 'Evan'

DontAsk:

zoe wat teh fuck

Evan:

Can you please not swear so much?

DontAsk:

no fuck u

Evan:

Sorry

JazzHands:

don't listen to him evan, he's an ass

JazzHands:

butthole*

Evan:

Thanks ^^

DontAsk:

goodie two-shoes

JazzHands:

you can insult us when you have a future

DontAsk:

fuck u bitch

Evan:

Okay why am I here?

DontAsk:

casue my sietr's a dick

JazzHands:

shlong*

Evan:

^^'

JazzHands:

in other words, my brother lies and I wanted to make sure he was at school.

Evan:

Oh! Yeah he was there. He said he fell asleep since he got there

DontAsk:

fuckimg told u

JazzHands:

freaking*

JazzHands:

connor.. are you high?

DontAsk:

freaking baked

DontAsk:

fuxkinf*

Evan:

...

Evan:

That's not good for you..

DontAsk:

i know dipshit

JazzHands:

dipwad*

DontAsk:

zo i will brwak ur FUCKINF fingers

Evan:

He's scary °-°'

JazzHands:

just trying to make evan comfy in our chaotic chat

Evan:

Im used to this stuff it's fine

DontAsk:

he's okay wit h it let me swearr

JazzHands:

im going to bed. thanks evan, see you tomorrow

Evan:

Goodnight Zoe, Connor

JazzHands:

good night

DontAsk:

night i guess.

Connor has never felt more confused while high in his life. Shit, he'd still be confused even if he wasn't.

With a shrug he started playing some random YouTube videos again as he finally got some comfterable sleep.


	5. Bruises

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things could be different..

The next day of school was the same.  


Out of bed, miserable, mom and dad complain, Zoe won't shut up, shit teachers teaching him nothing, Connors empty shell of a body just moving- he can't even remember all the main points of the day.  


Same with the next day.  


Nothing interesting ever happens, it's just a loop in his mind. Vague differences could be made, but everything is so repetitive and he's so tired. So worn out of living.  


The next day seemed to be the same. Zoe took notice of the difference in her brother's eyes everyday. The light as a child was gone. It pained her. Not that she cared anyway.  


She didn't pester him. She figured he could use a break. Not that she cared.  


Because Zoe doesn't care about her brother. He doesn't to her, why should she.  


"Band practice again." Was the first words either had said to the other all morning.   


Connor just nodded his head, his red eyes still gleaming out into the road.   


_ You could at least respond. _ She wanted to say, but kept her lips pursed.  _ You could at least care that much _ .   


It hurt her.  _ He _ hurt her. Everyday. He never cared for her, never thought of her feelings. It's Connor Connor  _ Connor. _ Not that she cared.   


She would never care.  


"See you in the hallway" she said after turning off the ignition. Connor only gave a soft hum.  


He was done with everything.  _ Just one more year _ didn't work for him anymore. Would he  _ make _ it that year? He's not fuckin prepared for anything. Not college, not a job, not living.   


He just wants his escape. Thinking about it makes him need his escape.   


Everything was the fucking same. It's honestly driving him crazy. It's the same and he can't do shit about it.  


"Please I- I need that back, please" he heard a familiar voice cry out.  


"Shut up" someone harsher replied.  


Connor turned around to see that Evan kid from before reaching for what looks like his binder.   


"Shit dude, your handwritings so messy. Makes sense with your stu-stu-stuttering."  


_ That makes no sense _ . Connor thought as he watched the ordeal go down. He figured that guy was Brian. He can't remember anyone, really, so that's all he can assume. But he remembers Evan, so maybe that's a start.   


Brian seemed to be bullying him. Which sucks, Connor knows how that feels. But that's all he can say.  _ That sucks. _ This wasn't his place to interject.   


_ Maybe that's why his phone was there _ .   


That struck Connor as odd. How he could remember such a detail, he doesn't know. He doesn't know anything.  


He walked away.  


Nothing else of interest happened at school.  


\---

His phone was buzzing. Why? He had no idea, nor did he care. He was  _ reading _ and this was getting annoying. He figured it was his mom in the family group chat talking about what groceries they need, or maybe his dad complaining about something Connor did.    


But he was fairly surprised to see the group chat The Truth notification.  


  


**JazzHands** **:**

Evan are you okay??

  


**Evan:**

Yeah

  


**JazzHands:**

what happened? i heard Bryson hit you

  


**Evan:**

He did.

  


**JazzHands:**

where?

  


**JazzHands:**

are you hurt badly?

  


**JazzHands:**

need me to beat him up?

  


_ Bryson _ . It clicked in Connor's mind.  _ I knew it started with a B _ .

  


**Evan:**

My eye, it's nothing serious. And please don't beat him up, thanks for the offer though ^^

  


**DontAsk:**

what happened

  


**JazzHands:**

Evan got in a fight

  


**Evan:**

I wouldn't say fight, more like I got punched

  


**DontAsk:**

send a pic

  


**JazzHands:**

don't do that, that's rude Connor. sorry Evan.

  


**Evan:**

'image attached'

  


**JazzHands:**

holy shit Evan that looks bad

  


**DontAsk:**

cool

  


**Evan:**

He had a ring. That why

there's that big cut if anyone 

was wondering

  


**DontAsk:**

bet he wore it in purpose

  


**JazzHands:**

did he get suspended??

  


**Evan:**

Yeah, Alana told for me

  


**JazzHands:**

thank God for Alana 🙏 this is 

why I broke up with Bryson.

  


_ Even more of a reason why it clicks _ .

  


**Evan:**

You dated him?

  


**JazzHands:**

yeah but he was a dick so 😌 

good call for me

  


**Evan:**

^^

  


**JazzHands:**

hey maybe I can come over?

I feel bad

  


**Evan:**

It's not your fault.

  


**JazzHands:**

yes but I should've made sure he

wasn'tnmessing with people.

  


It took a while for Evan to reply.  _ Probably nervous _ .

  


**Evan:**

Sure, I maen if yu want. Don't

Feel obligated to go.

  


**JazzHands:**

tomorrow after school? I still

Have your address from the project

  


**Evan:**

Sure

  


**JazzHands:**

alright. Goodnight Evan

  


**Evan:**

Goodnight Zoe, Connor

  


**DontAsk:**

night i guess

\---  


Dinner was silent. Cynthia always made them eat at the table. She probably read somewhere that it could 'fix' her family.  


_ Bull shit _   


"Hey mom, can I go over to a friend's tomorrow?"  


_ Since when is Evan your friend. _ Connor thought bitterly.  _ Never really talked to him before _ .   


"Sure," Cynthia said happily but way overthrown by Larry's deep voice.  


"Who is it?"  


"Evan Hansen. He got hurt and I thought maybe a visit could cheer him up."  


"Aw, that's wonderful dear." Cynthia smiled happily at her daughter, proud she had a heart. "Won't you go too, Connor."  


"Yeah, watch after your sister." Larry said, not even looking at his son.  


"I have more shit to do then pretend to be friends with someone."  


"Like what? Porn? Smoke? Do you really do anything else?" Zoe said as she clenched her fork.  


Cynthia looked down awkwardly at her food. She suddenly didn't feel hungry anymore. Neither did Connor.  


"Zoe" she spoke softly, her plate now pushed further toward the center. "Maybe give your brother a break."  


Zoe glared at her plate.  _ What do you think I've been doing all day? _ She wanted to say but refrained.   


"So tomorrow you and Connor go to..  _ Evan _ 's" she paused and when no one said she mentioned the wrong name, she continued. "When? After school?"   


"Yeah," Zoe nodded and Connor just tuned out. He tuned everything out. If they needed him, they'd get him.  


"I expect good behavior." Larry mentioned before placing his empty plate in the sink. "Goodnight" he went to his room as everyone said goodnight back. Except Connor. He never says goodnight.  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this has taken a while, it took some time trying to figure out how this book should go but I think I've got it mapped out <3
> 
> Leave a comment if you like, I love reading them. You guys are so nice ❤️ I love you
> 
> I'm also adding more meaning to the way I write. Using repetitive words/sentences was on purpose, and the name Bryson fits ironically in my opinion ^^ so yeah I hope I'm getting better.
> 
> Please have a good day and wash your hands (and wear your masks) I love you guys too much for you to get sick


	6. The Plain Guy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zoe and Connor spend time with Evan

"Alright. Dollar general or Walmart?" Zoe asked after snapping her seatbelt buckle into place.

"What?"

"To get stuff. For Evan"

"Oh" Connor forgot about that. "Um, dollar tree. Or general, whatever the fuck you said."

Zoe pursed her lips, something she does often around her brother, before letting out a sigh  something she does often around her brother

"Any idea what he'd like?"

"The fuck should I know?"

"Just asking. I think he'd like chocolate. He has this innocent-like demeanor."

"How does that mean he likes chocolate?"

"I don't know. Sours like- spunky and carefree, spicys quirky, and chocolates well-"

"Plain."

"I wasn't going to say that."

"You were thinking it."

"Was not."

"Just admit it. You know nothing about Evan. You think he's fucking plain. He's nothing special. A fucking loser. You know it. Stop acting like you're his friend." How Connor escalates a situation, no one will ever know.

Zo's defeated eyes looked to her lap, hands clenched against the steering wheel. 

"I'm trying to help him."

"With what? His  _ excruciating _ pain? It's a punch, Zoe. Everyone gets punched it's a simple thin-"

"His anxiety you dick. He has no friends. He can't speak to anyone. I can't stop seeing him look so helpless in the hallways. And talking to teachers, giving presentations, God just his  _ public speaking.  _ I'm just trying to give him some help. A little push."

Connor held in his words as his glowing eyes looked out the window. He felt jealous in a way. Jealous of how someone so simple and out of sight can catch someone's attention. His  _ sister _ 's attention. Some random guy gets his problems pitied and Connors still hung up to dry. He kept his mouth shut.

"Chocolates fine."

\---

"Hi" Zoe said in her usual fake happy voice when Evan opened the door. She tried not to wince at the nasty bruise highlighting his face. One big purple glob on his eye with a thick red scab right under it. It looks like he was punched twice, thank God the ring hit his cheek.

He looked nervous  no shit with his hands constantly fiddling with his shirt, his quiet voice as he led them to his living room. 

It was awkward. Really fucking awkward. Connor felt like stealing Zoe's keys and driving back home.

"So um, we got you some chocolate. Doves, I hope that's okay."

"Yeah, thanks. How much? I'll um, I'll pay you back."

"It's free," she said with a smile.

_ God, does he not know what a gift is? _ Connor thought as his eyes tossed around the small room. It wasn't bad, a few decorations on the light blue walls. Some paint was chipped on the corners, one window with a thick curtain hiding it. It was pretty dark, which was off putting. It made the atmosphere almost creepy in a way, despite the simplistic decor.

Evan just gave a nervous smile back, refusing to look into her eyes. 

"So, where's your parents?"

"Oh my mom, she- she doesn't usually get back until.. like midnight? She's really busy."

"Oh okay" she didn't ask about his dad. She took a guess and decided it wasn't good to bring up.

Connor shot his sister a look that painfully said  _ can we go now? _ She just glared back at him.

"So you weren't in school today. How long are you taking days off?"

"Just um- I'll be back Thursday. Just need an extra day."

"Awesome. So, um, you feel good? Your eye- and your arm, do they hurt?"

"Oh well, yeah kinda" he giggled and you would not believe the relief on Zoe's face as a different emotion finally appeared. "But nothing much I can do"

"I hope it gets better. How long till your cast comes off?"

"Two, three weeks? I don't know, I go um, I go to the doctors on uh, on Mon-monday."

"That's pretty good. Bet you can't wait huh?"

"Yeah."

It went silent again, not that Connor really noticed. He was thinking about basically anything else then how bored he was.

Evan's eyes flickered to the impatient boy sitting across the small coffee table. 

"Oh, do you guys want something to eat? I'm sorry I never thought to ask" he rushed out and that brought back Connors attention.

"No no, were good."

And back to, you guessed it, silence. Zoe lightly smacked her brother's leg and he scrunched his eyes as he looked at her offended. She gave him a look that screamed  _ say something you mindless prick! _

Evan couldn't help but laugh at that which definitely was not expected.

"Sorry, you guys just-" his face heated up as he stumbled his way through his next sentence. "You um, it's like you uh, have your own little um, little language. Must be close?"

"Can't be further from the truth" Connor almost snorted as he spoke, his eyes rolling as he leaned back. Surprisingly those were the first words he'd said in a long time.

"Oh"

"We're alright."

"Alright? No were fucking not. Quite lying to try and save your ass. You hate me and that's that."

"Shut it."

"No. You wanna be friends with him, don't lie and cover up our shit family."

Connor can rant about his family as much as Enjolras could rant about injustice in the world. And that's a  _ lot. _

"Sorry Evan, he doesn't know when to  _ keep his mouth shut. _ " Zoe said as she looked at Evan, who was seemingly more uncomfortable, if that's possible.

"No no, it's fine. Really um, I get it."

Connor didn't bother saying anything else. If they were going to stay here much longer, and looking at Zoe he assumes they are, he better not get in a fight.

"So um, are you staying much longer or uh- what do you wanna do?"

"Maybe we can watch tv? And do homework? Is that okay?" 

Evan smiled as he nodded his head. He looked so excited that they  _ actually _ wanted to stay and Zoe couldn't help but smile back. Hell, it almost made Connor smile. It's weird, you'd think he'd want them to leave but- he's  _ smiling _ and it's almost adorable.

\---

"Alright, see you Thursday Evan!" Zoe said as she and Connor walked out the door.

They buckled in their seatbelts -or well Zoe did- and off they went home.

"I thought that went pretty well,"

Connor almost laughed. "I guess"

"So what'd you think of Evan?"

"Why do you care?"

"Maybe I just want a conversation with my brother"

He bit his bottom lip with his eyes staring out the window.

"I was right. He's plain"

Zoe scoffed with her eyes rolling. "Um, this is our first time hanging out, of course he seems plain,"

"What do you mean  _ our? _ This is a you project"

"Evan could use  _ multiple _ friends,"

"No, get someone else. I'm not apart of this"

"Okay, I get it. You don't want to do anything in your life, you wanna stay alone forever. Got it."

"Thank you" 

The air went stiff again. It stayed like that the rest of the way home. 


	7. Stupid Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Today's.. different

The next time Connor saw Evan.. he looked pitiful. It almost hurts Connor to see someone look so sad and hurt, and he's seen some messed up shit and continued on unphased. But this left something weird in his heart. 

He didn't like it, so he walked away.

\---

Evan glanced both ways across the hall, looking- or looking out- for someone, presumably Bryce, before walking over to Connor, who was leaning on a wall waiting for his next class to start.

_ What the fuck _ is all Connor could say when he saw Evan walk anxiously up to him.  _ To me? Why? _ He pretended he didn't see.

"You left this at my house" he said, coldly, almost robotic. Like he'd practiced it in his head a billion times.

"Honestly? You can keep it. She doesn't expect me to have homework, I didn't even do.." Connor looked down at the fully completed homework in messy handwriting. It almost looked like his own.

"You did my work?"

"Yeah, sorry I just- I felt bad you came to my house and um, and  _ clearly _ didn't want to be- to be there. Plus, a uh, a thank you. For being there."

"Alright, thanks," he gave a half smile as he read over the answers.  _ At least he knows he's boring _

"If you.. need any help with um, with homework in this-this class I can try,"

Connor looked at him weirdly. When will he  _ ever _ do homework. It'll be miraculos if the teacher accepts this one peice.

"Or um, I could do it- do it for you, I mean,"

"That's nice but don't cha think the teacher'll find it a little weird I'm all the sudden smart and responsible,"

"I um, didn't think about that,"

"Plus, what's in it for you? Double homework for the same class sounds exhausting,"

"I um, you-" he took a deep breath and Connor waited. He may be an ass but he's not gonna rush someone with anxiety. He's not  _ that _ much of an ass. And he'd be a hypocrite.

"I was hoping you could, um, help me with art?"

_ How the fuck would I do that? _

"How the fuck would I do that?"

"It's hard to do stuff" he wiggled his arm "in a- in a cast," his eyes shifted to the floor. "I also just can't um, draw, even without a cast," he mumbled. "I want to- to get better at it, and um, figured you could.. teach me?"

"If the teacher isn't teaching you that's on miss Feron, not me,"

"Okay, i'm sorry for bothering you," he said with a pitiful looked and oh- there goes Connors  _ stupid _ heart having a ting of guilt. Of  _ all the things _ to feel guilty about this should  _ not _ be one of them.

"Hey wait-" Evan stopped, almost flinched, when Connor called out. "I can help, maybe. Yeah, what the hell. But you still do my homework?"

Evan nodded fast and his eyes were just- happy. They were happy.

"Talk to you..?"

"Um, whenever just- just text me when you're uh- you're free,"

That felt weird to hear. He bets it felt weird to say.

"Yeah," the bell rang and Evan waved goodbye.

_ What the fuck did I do? _

\---

"Huh" Zoe said as she settled in her seat.

"What?"

"Didn't wanna hang out with Evan and now you're tutoring him in art?"

"Oh"  _ oh _ .  _ I agreed to that _

"Oh?"

"Yeah, he offered to do my homework in exchange,"

Zoe looked at him weird before starting the car, her key charms jingling.

"I know you don't listen to me but please don't hurt him."

"Got a new crush or somethin?"

"Dude, I'm dating Aaron,"

...

"Still could,"

"No, Connor, I don't like Evan. Maybe you do with all the stuff you're doing,"

"No- I don't- how'd you even get there?"

"Defensive.."

"No I'm not, just caught off guard. Why would I ever like him?"

"I don't know, he's a good person? Mental health issues? Likes dudes?"

"He likes dudes?"

Zoe sent him a look with a smug  _ proving my point, are we _ look and he just shook his head.

"I'd pay you twenty dollars if I  _ ever _ like him,"

"Giving me your drug money? I feel honored,"

"Go fuck yourself,"

"Aaron's got that covered,"

"That's so gross, please don't ever let me know you're sexually active again,"

"Jealous I am and you're not?"

"Not listening,"

Zoe giggled and drove on. Today wasn't so bad, Connor figured as he held back a small smile, his fingers lightly playing at his lips.

_ Oh boy _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been gone for a while... Woopsie
> 
> Anyways, my mental health is a lot better and.. I think I'm starting to.. love myself??
> 
> I love you guys and thanks for all the support l!! Feel free to comment where you think this is going <3
> 
> Please drink water while you wait for the next chapter, drink plenty of water everyday!!


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